Doubt: Mom, don’t you love me?

by | Jan 7, 2008 | Fiction Book Reviews | 0 comments

Have your kids ever doubted you? Mine have…let me count the ways. My oldest son gives me a momentary play by play each morning before school to remind me exactly how many minutes has passed. He constantly reminds me that if we don’t leave by 7:30, he will be tardy for school….as if I can’t read a clock and haven’t gotten them to school on time 99% of the time. (Who’s perfect?)

My oldest daughter keeps asking me the same question over and over again, as if my memory doesn’t last longer than five seconds. “Mom, may I have a glass of water? Mom, where is that glass of water? Mom, are you going to get that glass of water, PLEASE!” All within a period of one minute. Amazing!

My second born son doesn’t seem to trust me. For example, his usual course of action is to accuse me of moving something of his. “Mom, where did you put my Star Wars Lego Tie Fighter with the Dark Vader with only one arm?” I’m increasingly surprised by the fact that I can keep one-armed legos straight from two-armed or no-armed legos, but I still can’t remember all the items on my grocery list. I’ll tell him, “Aaron, I haven’t seen you Lego Tie Fighter thingy.” Of course his reply is, “But I left it right there on the table. I didn’t move it!”
And then, fifteen minutes later, he discovers his lego ship under his bed with a cascade of other various toys, shoes, and probably fungi.

The point is, my kids doubt my ability. Now they say it directly….they show it in their behavior. They question me, even though I know they understand I love them….even though I get them to school without a tardy 99% of the time, I remember the glass of water after only one reminder, I never move the legos unless I tell him where they’re going…..don’t they know I love them? Don’t they know I care so much for them that my heart bulges from the feeling?

“God, I don’t like the idea of this new move. Are you going to take care of our needs? I mean, we need a good job. My kids need clothes for the new school year? Lord, my dad’s really sick and could die…aren’t you going to do anything? My daughter’s pregnant, how could you have let this happen? Don’t you love me? Aren’t you listening to me?”

God, our Abba…Father, loves us infinitely more than we love our kids. He stepped out of the glories and perfection of Heaven to enter a world that would mock him, ridicule him, beat him, hit him, ignore him, reject him, abandon him, laugh at him, and finally kill him. Why?
Does he know the temptations to worry? Does he understand the grief of loss? Can he relate to the heart-breaking feeling of rejection or betrayal? Yes, yes, yes….He experienced the same pains as we did….and worse.
Can we trust him to take care of us? Yes, YEs, YES!!

Luke 12:5-7 says, “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs on your head are numbered. Don’t be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I used to doubt God’s love for me, because I doubted his ability to hold on to me. I based my faith on my ‘good works’ and when I failed, I feared that God would not love me anymore, or accept me into his kingdom. But God isn’t a ruthless taskmaster. He’s a loving father. His grip is strong enough to hold us throughout any struggle, trial, and even our own sinfulness. We rely on His strength.

One of the most comforting verses to help God’s kids reflect on the security we have in His love is from John 10:27-29,
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish. No one can snatch them out of my hand. My father who has given them to me is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” (bold added for emphasis)

As an old hymn says, “He is willing doubt no more.” May we rest in the secure arms of a God who understands, embraces us, and loves us beyond anything. We can trust Him to hold onto us.


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